Fri. Mar. 24, 2006. What a menu of choices! Matchmakers, coaches, dinners Mar. 17, 2006. 01:00 AM FEATURE WRITER Ruth Claramunt set up her company, Hearts (heartscanada.com), in Toronto
21 years ago. Calling herself a "traditional matchmaker," Claramunt
says she has facilitated "thousands of long-term relationships." She
attributes the bulk of her business to changing demographics. "The generation in their 30s and 40s left marriage
until a decade later than the previous generation only to find that dating in
the office is frowned upon within a culture dominated by an intense work
ethic." On top of that, people travel for work, they're always on the go,
and unable to commit to social activities. Where to turn for a sense of
personal connection? Claramunt loves the matchmaking business. "I worked
in credit and finance, and matched my secretary with a man who worked for my
husband, and decided I'd like to do it for a living." She bought a small matchmaking company, and then another
in the mid-1980s, and established the relaxed approach she uses to this day.
She meets clients in their homes — "to make sure there's no wife in the
picture, to screen out gold-diggers." Claramunt finds that "the people who come to me are
genuine people with good values who are looking for their counterpart." To men in their 50s looking for much younger women, she
has some questions. "Would you consider having more children? If you're
looking at retirement and the woman is just getting her career going, are you
prepared to be supportive of her work? It's important to do reality checks
about interests and expectations." David, 46, a sales manager, and Lorraine, 58, a doctor,
are working with Claramunt, who has potential matches for both. Linda Miller, founder of Misty River Introductions
works with her clients to give them feedback about
"things that don't work for them. Often they pick the wrong person over
and over — but it's hard for them to give up control and accept the choices I
make for them." She will take clients on "fake" dates, watch
their behaviour and offer dating tips, such as: Don't monopolize the
conversation. Don't talk about past relationships at the beginning. Ask the
other person questions. Like Claramunt, Miller interviews clients in their homes
"to make sure they are who they say they are." In the matchmaking
business for 12 years, her service reaches from Montreal to Hamilton, and as
far north as Sudbury. If she had one wish for her clients, it's that they'd be
more open to different kinds of people. She's delighted by the concept of The
Year of Yes, in which author Maria Headley describes what happens when she
agrees to go out with everyone who asks, from a 70-year-old Latino salsa dancer
to her building maintenance man. "People can be so guarded, they think they know what
love will look like when it walks in the door, and it doesn't usually work like
that. "I was talking to a woman who refused to consider a
man with a moustache. I thought, `You're destined to be alone if you don't
loosen up a bit.' A man can be a good partner if he has a moustache, and if he
loves you, he'll shave it off anyway." In Miller's opinion, "We're all shallow. Youth is
attractive to everyone. Good looks are as appealing to women as to men. Women
want to see the photos of men — they want nice teeth, clean and well-groomed. But
they take in the whole package, education, employment, whereas men are more
swayed by appearance." She's working with Tod, Frank and Neil. Dinnerworks. For dinnerworks proprietor Susan
Kates, food is a fun way to approach matters of the heart. What could be more
engaging, figures this food maven, than going out to a funky restaurant on
Queen St. West and trying out new dishes while enjoying the company of
like-minded singles?
"Our focus is on life enhancement and personal
growth," says the ebullient Kates. "We organize four events a week —
mostly dinners, but also occasional wine tastings, cooking classes and special
trips." Kates runs dinnerworks in Ottawa, Toronto and Vancouver.
She credits her Hungarian father — who had a store on Spadina, selling fabric
and ladies' wear — with her entrepreneurial spirit and love of food. "I was always cooking next to my Dad, he was a
marvellous cook — old-style Hungarian soups, beet borscht, bean soup." A graduate of the University of Waterloo in urban
planning, Kates spent 10 years organizing special events for various shopping
centre companies. She taught cooking, ran a small catering business and got
involved with dinnerworks in 2001. When the owner wanted to sell, Kates bought
the business in 2003. It's a great way, she says, to do "practice
dating" without "getting stuck" with a stranger you're not
interested in. She cautions her clients: "Don't think that one
dinner will be the answer to your dreams. You can arrive with such high
expectations that you're unable to live in the moment. Leave your baggage at
the door. It's the people who are open and optimistic who attract attention.
Those who are jaded and depressed set up a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Ultimately, it's all about how you feel about yourself." Our very own Tod, from the Relationship challenge, will
conduct a wine tasting at a dinnerworks cooking class on March 23. Be
forewarned, all the women's spaces are taken; there's only room for men. Our relationship coach, Frankie Doiron agrees that the secret
to successful mating is self-knowledge. Doiron worked with us last year on the
Get A Life Challenge, and helped produce sterling results. This year her
coaching is available to all our participants. Her focus is "conscious
dating," and learning to become "a chooser." That means knowing
what your requirements are, figuring out the deal-breakers — you want kids, he
doesn't; he wants to travel, you want to focus on your career — and not wasting
time with the wrong people. Sudbury-born, and a former national marketing director for
McDonald's Restaurants of Canada, Doiron studied at the Adler School of
Professional Coaching in Toronto and completed her training with the U.S.-based
organization CoachU. "I recognize the power of physical attraction, and
what it means to get wrapped up in the love/lust aspect," Doiron says.
"It happened to me. On my way to Amsterdam to live with my boyfriend, I
spent seven hours on the plane with a Texan. I spent a few weeks with my
boyfriend in Amsterdam and realized, `I don't want to live here.' "My boyfriend had a child from a previous marriage.
He couldn't leave. It was a heartbreaking decision. I came back to
Toronto." And started emailing the Texan. "Our relationship
started slowly. We talked on the phone. He came to visit. Eventually he moved
here from Texas." He's nearly 20 years younger than Doiron; they've been
together eight years, "getting better every day." The key to finding a mate, Doiron says, "is knowing
who you are. Take the time for introspection, assess your needs. You may have a
list of idealized attributes in a partner — tall, handsome, full head of hair,
great dancer — that have little to do with what's most important to you." Examine your ethics and morals. Identify deal-breakers.
Have the courage to be your authentic self ." |